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"Excuses make today easier but tomorrow harder ; discipline makes today harder but tomorrow easier" This simple statement separates success and mediocrity. Choose what you want to be. Get up and get it done! #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

I often remind you to find ways to enjoy the journey, enjoy the pain and difficulty on the road to your goal. I stand as an example that if you remain consistent and committed, one day you will look up and see your goal right in front of you. Many of us sit and count the outrageous amount of steps involved in our goal and thats when disparagement sets in. What can you do today to move closer? How can you find joy and motivation in that one step. Remember you eat an elephant one piece at a time. It is time for you to STOP letting the unknown take over your present situation. Some of us think so far into the future and have the nerve to predict it and will react to it in our present situation. No one knows what tomorrow holds or even if tomorrow will come. Live your today, live your right now. Commit to daily steps amd learn to complete them with a immovable consistency. Remember, anything that possesses longevity will eventually derail. Think about it, trains, relationships, friendships, jobs, etc. will eventually reach a point where they are bumped off track. If you know thats going to happen, be prepared for it and do all you can to remove the hindrance and get the train back rolling. I know you have quit many times, but as long as you restart you can get there. I have reached one goal and Im on to another. You can do it too. Commitment, habits, rituals, and consistency is the only way. Start again! #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Good morning, have you ever really given thought to what you expose yourself to? Energy is transferable as is attitudes and mindset. Many believe that humans can experience the negative feelings of those close to them, therefore adopting that same negativity. These empathic people tend to be overburdened by the problems of others. There are three things you must avoid to not be consumed by negativity. The first is, of course, negative people. People who always look at the glass as half empty tend to have an overall negative outlook towards everything. Individuals like this will make their mole hills into mountains and drag you along. Many times we have no idea we have been affected until we are emotionally and physically drained. The second thing to avoid is negative environments. These environments can be emotionally or physically in a negative state. An office filled with disgruntled workers will eventually rub off on to you. Some environments hold negative memories because of past trauma. You must avoid these places at all cost. Disorganized and cluttered environments have been proven to increase stress levels and cause sleep issues. The mind takes a snapshot of the disorder and perseverates on it causing uneasiness and emotional disruption. Finally, we must avoid negative self talk. Whatever you verbalize, you manifest. If you say you can't, you won't. If you affirm that the day will be horrible rest assured that events will fall into place to satisfy your premonition. People who engage in negative self talk are more susceptible to colds, depression, and heart issues. Positive people actually have better cardiovascular health and live longer. Before you set out today check yourself and your energy first. Then ensure you are heading towards positive people in a positive environment. The choice is really yours. Have a great positive day! #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Good morning, I know it's been awhile, but I have a question for you. What is motivating you? Did you know that most of us are motivated by trauma? The past trauma in our life propels us to be extremely diligent in not having that unpleasant act repeated. Fractured parental relationships drive us to be better parents, abusive marriages drive us to be better spouses, and our past lives of consent cause us to hold ourselves in higher regard. However, if our trauma is motivating us, have we truly healed from it? I It is not until our decisions and motivations are spurred by what's inside of us that we have truly arrived. Unhealed trauma creates the need for attention and attention is addictive. We now have to show everyone that we have arrived, that we are no longer that past person, and that in spite of their trauma and name calling we have excelled. So we become so hell bent on presenting a pristine external image while we are suffering internally. With attention comes pressure. You will find that it is much harder to preserve a lie than it is to tell one. Now you must remember the lie and create other lies to support it. Being motivated by the pressure of the opinions of others is the very thing that leads to depression and suicide. Humans can be very fickle, and the person who was once in your corner can quickly switch teams or may have never been on your team at all . Your goals HAVE TO motivate you . Your desire to be better, fitter, wealthier, and more stable has to come from inside. Not from a negative stimulus caused by fear of trauma or the approval of others, but for your own satiation and self-worth. So, set your goals, outline the steps needed to acquire them, and immediately start pressing towards it. The satisfaction that comes from self-motivation is so much more edifying. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Have you ever stopped for a moment and thought about the journey that successful people traveled in order to reach their goals? People may have told them they were crazy or the goal was unattainable, but they remained steadfast in what they believed. If Elon Musk had listened to people when they told him he could not create an electric car, we would have fallen behind in the perpetual innovation race. It is evident that these people listened to their own self-talk. The voice inside them that affirmed they could have it or they will do it. The Bible says life and death are in the power of the tongue. I think many times we gloss over the power of that verse. It says we have the power to manifest things with our words. This spiritual anomaly was supported through science as a neuroscientist devised an experiment about optimism and positive thought. The study inundated the participant with positive and affirming thoughts about their abilities, creating an expectation of success. When their brains were imaged it showed increased activity in the prefrontal cortex (a region responsible for self-reflection and recollection). The experiment showed that when our brains expect good results our actions align to bring those results to fruition. "You are either talking and thinking yourself into or out of what you want" Too often we focus on the negative or what may not happen and we fail to understand that we are in control of the success. Many of us do not realize how pessimistic we are until we are shown our blindspots. The person that will move past us is the one that says "I'm going to be this, no matter what." That's when the body starts to move toward focusing on it happening. So why can't you have that job? Why can't you have that man? Why can't you have that house? The answer is YOU! Once you realize the power in your positive thoughts and your affirmations, you spend less time hanging out in the basement of pessimism and start focusing on "making your dream happen" The experiment also showed that people who were primed on optimism paid less attention to mistakes and setbacks. These missteps had no effect on them seeking their goal. Speak it and go get it!!! Make it happen!!! #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Good Morning 3M, With all of us amid the holiday season, we are likely to encounter family, friends, and enemies. Old acquaintances inevitably will remind you of some of your old mistakes. Mistakes you have long forgotten and grown from, but people love to put you in a box and keep you there because it always helps them maintain a sense of superiority. You are the person who divorced or had children out of wedlock or dropped out of college or destroyed your credit etc. etc. It is the unearthing and proclamation of your continual mistakes and imperfections that enables others to hide theirs and appear more perfect. This is a societal illness that traverses families as well as the church. This is why so many people never feel quite perfect or good enough. The Apostle Paul, who was a pardoned murderer, often spoke about his battle with being human. To paraphrase he said "every time I wish to do right, wrong is right there" and "the things I ought to do. I do not do but rather choose the wrong thing because of the evil that dwells in me." Paul asked God to take this dilemma away and God's response was "My grace is sufficient." In other words, perfection is not expected of you. On the contrary, you are expected to make mistakes, and you can still expect God's forgiveness. So why do we continually ostracize those that live differently from us? Why do many of us cloak our imperfections while making others feel inadequate for not reaching our level of perfection? This holiday season is the time to start practicing true forgiveness and acceptance. However, this forgiveness and acceptance must start with ourselves. Forgive yourself for the things you have done wrong and accept that you are still a worthy individual. You may have to climb out of the very box people have put you in. but you must do it. Many of us have not realized that the opinion of others has been verbalized to us so repetitively that we actually have accepted it as true. His Grace is sufficient Be kind to yourself #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

What are you striving for? I know for most people there are many things you are striving for, but if you could think about the number #1 thing, what would it be? Is it financial wealth, power, financial stability, or happiness? As many of you think through your list you may even feel that one element may lead to another. You may feel that financial wealth is the key to your happiness or that financial stability is the first step on your way to having power. However, are you sure that the thing you are striving for isn't deterring you from obtaining the other things on your list? Does money affect happiness?? A University of Pennsylvania study suggests that all forms of well-being continued to rise with income, across a wide range of income levels, and it didn't plateau. Another study shows that an increased salary leads to increased expectations in work hours and erodes the happiness that comes with socializing with family and friends. Finally, another study states that emotional well-being rises with income. However, it grows logarithmically. That is, as an individual's income increases, their well-being increases at a slower and slower rate. And after income surpasses about $75,000 per year, data suggests, well-being stops increasing altogether (Kahneman & Deaton). But how about this? Maybe what you are striving for causes you to totally ignore that the result already exists. Most people desire financial stability to be able to give their family liberty and thereby ensuring their happiness. Well, what if your kids are already happy with what you provide? Your family may very well not know you are limited. I grew up with seven siblings in the projects where the boys had to share 2 rooms with bunk beds. My mom provided for us on her own and I don't doubt for a minute that she wished she had the financial stability to give us more. I don't doubt there were missed payments, but we had everything we wanted and needed. My childhood was extremely happy filled with large Thanksgiving dinners and laughter. My mom strived to make ends meet but she stopped to thank God for the happiness in our home and NONE of us would choose a different childhood. Focus on what you are striving for and if you think that goal will ensure other things, stop for a moment to ensure you don't already have those things. Yes, money improves emotional well-being, but so do loving relationships and friendships. I challenge you to take inventory of what you already have and find a blessing in it every day. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8). Be thankful for what you have while you strive for things you don't. Both are possible. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine #findthesunshine

There are a lot of theories on what really sparks change, but the common theme boils down to an event or realization that can be labeled as " the straw that broke the camel's back." In other words, many of us don't make a change until we are "sick and tired of being sick and tired." What gets us caught up in this cycle of starting and stopping? Dissociation is a process by which we disengage from our reality where we almost deny the factual evidence of our existence. In other words, we have convinced ourselves that we are not out of shape, not in an unhealthy failing relationship, or not caught up in addiction, regardless of the evidence. This distorted reality stops us from changing or doesn’t allow us to be sick and tired enough. Confirmation bias causes one to develop a belief and then compile data and opinions that agree with or "confirm" our belief. This will extinguish any movement toward change. "Most marriages don't last this long so we can't be doing that bad." "There is just not enough time in my day to exercise." " My success has a glass ceiling because of my race or ethnicity." These are beliefs that lead to confirmation bias and eventually lead to reduced effort or being frozen. The "pink elephant paradox" loosely defined means the more we try to suppress thoughts the more recurrent they become. This is the beginning of the road to being "sick and tired of being sick and tired". To change yourself or your situation you must accept the need and be resilient enough to face it head-on. After we have dissociated (given ourselves excuses), used confirmation bias ( garnered support for our excuses), and subscribed to the pink elephant paradox (attempted to suppress the obvious need for change), we have to let the straw break the camel's back finally. The only way to progress toward change is to have the hard conversations with yourself that you have been avoiding. The moment you can admit that you are the problem becomes the moment you can start making a momentous and permanent change. I encourage you to face your need for change today. Running from it makes it grow stronger and more extensive. Be a little harder on yourself. You read that correctly. Tell yourself to "stop making excuses", "There is enough time", "I am not perfect", "I deserve better", "I am hurting someone "or "Someone is hurting me." Face yourself and stop coddling and justifying your lack of action. Others that are observing you can see it plainly, they see the pink elephant in the room, but you have become so accustomed to the dysfunction that you simply move over and allow him the space on the couch. Make it a Great Day! #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Although it is quite difficult to define "Love" we often use it frivolously. We direct this word towards our favorite singer, actor, athlete, and even our car. Although one may argue that they can love these individuals who are unable to love them back, I suggest that the feeling lies between fandom and obsession. You may be a fan of Beyonce, but to truly love her or be loved by her involves a relationship, but most importantly it involves action. Love is an action word. Someone who loves you feels responsible for your happiness. Someone who loves you will take action to relieve your pain, support you through your storms, and supply the necessities you lack. In fact, someone who loves you anticipates what you need and helps you meet those needs. During a casual conversation with someone who loves you, you may mention something you desire and that item will be delivered or hand-carried to you. If you fail to see actions from your friend or significant other then I dare say there is no love. Many of us have such a hunger for comradery and friendship that we do not notice our love is being manipulated. We will display the actions of love while all along, the friend or romantic interest is reaping the benefits. Many of us have purchased companionship with our own acts of love. Just to fill an empty space, we will shower someone with the love they don't deserve while receiving absolutely nothing of value in return. We have all matured to no longer have the need to fit in or always be included. It's time to choose carefully who shares your space and time. I am not saying it isn't ok to have lunch with acquaintances, but you must understand that if it is your nature to display love through actions, you may have to limit the time you spend with "receivers" and not "givers.” Ladies, a man will continually return to a place that is beneficial to him. In fact, they will continue to try and return decades after that relationship has resolved. He is returning for the actions of love demonstrated by you. Stop and think for a moment and try to remember the actions or lack thereof they displayed while you were together. Men, women will return to a place where they feel safe and supported. You can easily interpret her attendance as love when what has happened is that you have helped heal many of her past wounds inflicted by trauma. Stop for a moment and see if those actions are returned. Are your needs anticipated? Does she know what you need or what comfort you need? Love is an action word. Just as movement does not denote progress, the recital of the phrase "I love you" does not always mean you are truly loved. It's time to reevaluate. You deserve reciprocity, and you should not settle for less. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

In the animal world, mate selection varies. Many animals are chosen as mates by the length of their feathers, height, the brilliance of their colors, and how impressive their dance is. However, the most intriguing selection is based on genetic strength; many males are chosen because they represent traits that will be beneficial to the offspring. I have spoken with a few of my friends lately who are searching for love or relationships. Many say that their dating relationships seem to be progressing fine until they are suddenly ghosted or the whole theme of the relationship changes. As I listened, I wondered, "what are you bringing to the table?" When people turn a certain age, they have done an inventory of what is no longer acceptable. They have also reached a certain level of stability and will look to their partner to add to that stability. Women who are established are no longer interested in training up their mates. They are no longer interested in building a boy into a man. They are in a mental space that is focused on progression. If their potential mate displays behaviors such as no desire to strive, financial instability, or no plan for the future, it will easily and quickly push her away. Men who have matured are no longer interested in wrestling with a potential mate who is jockeying for authority instead of an equitable power balance. They are motivated by a woman who has a plan well before he arrives on the scene. Men will get frustrated when they have to pull their mate along as they attempt to obtain stability or remain stable. Men are no longer interested in liabilities; if you are not adding to the future, you are a threat to his future. It is in a good man’s nature to provide and protect, but he is not interested in raising another child; he wants a partner who stands eye to eye with him so that they can take on the world together. Please do not be fooled; opposites only attract in Science. In relationships, opposites create a tug of war that eventually causes everyone to lose. So, take a moment and look at yourself and ask, “what am I bringing to the table?” If you are more party than purpose, you will not edify a forward-thinking partner. If you believe saving money is ridiculous because “you live for the day,” you will be of no value to a person preparing for a prosperous retirement. Revaluate yourself and see what you add to a relationship. When it’s all said and done, you will have two choices, increase what you bring to a relationship or simply choose another table. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

To say it plainly, some things should only serve as reminders of the commitments that we have previously made. Think about it, if you have obtained discipline towards whatever you have committed to, you anticipate your morning alarm clock or actually don't need it. The things you have committed to remain in the backdrop and snoozing or sleeping in does not become an option. Regardless if you are remotely working,  you have set an expectation that you will be available at a certain time. If you have committed to exercise however unpleasant, the way you have disciplined your body causes it to yearn for and expect the regular physical rigors. However, if you rely on outside motivation versus discipline and commitment you will always struggle in every aspect of your life. For instance,  if the only reason you fight to wake up for work is fear of getting fired or fear of not getting paid, you have missed an opportunity to develop a sense of duty. Those that seek external motivational factors will struggle with consistency. It is extremely easy for weight loss to be the root of our motivation to exercise.  However, if you lack discipline,  eventually the excuses will overpower the motivation.  Suddenly you don’t have enough time or room to complete the tasks and you are right back where you started. Motivation is a fleeting emotion but discipline and commitment aren't ruled by emotion and therefore are not optional. Unfortunately our lack of discipline is reflective in every area of our lives. Stop for a moment and think of how many unfinished projects you have around the house. That's because you were riding the wave of motivation instead of developing the spirit of discipline. Discipline causes you to create systems that ensure you meet your commitments.  Discipline causes you to schedule and order your life so it operates like a well trained military unit. From wake up time to recreation time, there is no question of what task is being navigated. These people are the easiest to find because they operate with such a regimen. These people also set boundaries around their schedule; others know they can't bother Joe at this time because he is studying or at the gym. Lack of discipline breeds disorder and produces stress and chaos. It is time for you to become disciplined. Stop accepting excuses Be proactive so your life is not filled with reactivity Finish what you start or don’t start it Schedule and commit to that schedule Ensure that those around you respect your boundaries and commitments, get them in line We can no longer live life by the seat of our pants. Successful people are not suprised by anything on their schedule and have the discipline to complete it daily without wavering. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Pain is a signal implemented by your nervous system as a means of alerting you to a problem in your body. The problem could derive from an injury, illness, deterioration of the body, or more complicated health issues. The interesting thing about pain is even if we push our way through, it is impossible to ignore. We can mask it with pain medications or numb our senses with other substances, but eventually, the pain will seep through. Many people have a high pain tolerance and it does not depend on gender. Women have been known to be tougher than their male counterparts when enduring pain. But what about the emotional toll pain places on the psyche of each of us? Pain ultimately limits our ability to function and depending on how chronic or debilitating the pain is, functionality can be affected indefinitely. This is the moment when tolerance can no longer save you. The toughest person will eventually face the reality of limitations and how we adapt and navigate those limitations will ultimately set a tone of emotional wellness or emotional declination. It is in a man's nature to fight through adversity. It is in his nature to adapt and overcome. Men must feel efficient in their ability to protect and provide and when pain and limitations threaten those qualities you will see a man in peril. A good man associates his worth with his abilities, not his limitations. If you show me a man that has limited abilities due to aging or injury, I will show you a man who is suffering on the inside. Acceptance of his lacked capacity is not an option therefore he toils daily to find ways to regain his abilities or adopt new ones. Although he may appear the same externally he is deteriorating on the inside. The limitations have robbed him of his worth and self-esteem. This great man has moved from a provider to someone who requires the care of others. Many men will mask their painful reality with numbing agents. Men would rather isolate themselves than put their weaknesses on display. They would rather use substances so they can complete their responsibilities and tasks just to feel accomplished for that one moment. Some men will move into a "prove it" stage where they take on different tasks that are designed to convince themselves that they still can if they want to. These activities are usually just as detrimental as the pain because if they are successful they delay reality. If you know a man then it is quite possible that you know a man who is hiding his fear of ineffectiveness in a world that expects so much of him. I charge you to be aware and be kind. I charge you to be encouraging while allowing him his flashes of brilliance and youth. We laugh at the term "midlife crisis", but I hope this provides a better perspective of the inner battle and depression endured by a man who is less than what he used to be. What can be viewed as a midlife crisis to you can be interpreted as an "end-of-life crisis" for him. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine ReplyForward