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Today I just want you to take every negative thought and flip it upside down! Give every negative statement a positive reaction. If you are underemployed.... at least you have a job. If you are short on cash, at least your needs are met. If you miss someone, isn't it awesome that you love someone that much to desire their presence? FLIP IT UPSIDE DOWN!!!! #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Have you ever found it difficult to relax, almost as if you have left something undone? I am not necessarily referring to a decision of self-care on a lazy Saturday, but moreso an overarching state that continually remerges in different areas of your life. Many of us are in a perpetual climb of the corporate ladder. We may have already found a comfortable salary, excellent leadership, and a more than conforming schedule, yet we still feel underemployed, underused, and underestimated. This feeling even spills over into our auxiliary activities as well as we watch men claw for positions within the church, intramural sports, coaching systems, etc. Our wonderful Home Owner's Associations instill a subconscious inter-neighborhood competition as they only reward and affirm the best yard with never a mention of the hundreds of manicured yards that owners spent time laboring in for hours simply for their own self-satisfaction. This subversive and divisive system leaves many unsettled. This unsettling effect is very hard to shake loose. We always feel like we should be the boss, the leader, the change maker, or the person at the head of the table. Is this a bad thing or has something been instilled within you to know you have not fully reached your potential? "Remember, you will only ascend to the level of success that you have internally established for yourself; you will not surpass what you have settled in your mind as your pinnacle." Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr. If you believe you can be a CEO your subconscious will always drive you towards that mark, thereby leaving you unsettled. If you start to inherit or adopt the mark that others have set for you it dilutes and blurs your own mark, again leaving you unsettled. Being unsettled is just fine as long as it involves action. You can have a better job, a better marriage, a better relationship, and better health. But most importantly, you can be a better "you." Stop being settled with your negative shortcomings. Become unsettled with your lack of kindness, your lack of humanness, your lack of forgiveness, and your lack of unconditional love. Let that unsettling push you toward change and growth and I promise you everything else will follow. You will be at the head of the table because others will be happy to follow you. You will have better relationships because people will be drawn to you. You will be settled because you will finally fit into the purpose you were created for. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Without a doubt, we love to be around knowledgeable people. It gives us the opportunity to obtain new facts and become informed about the world we live in. Those with high IQs naturally remember and store certain facts and find interest in things more than individuals who may not share their level of intelligence. However, does intelligence garner a feeling of warmth and safety? Does a high IQ cause a person to be more introspective and empathetic? Most researchers will tell you the answer is no. Having a high IQ is not an indicator of emotional reception or regulation. However, individuals who have increased their Emotional Intelligence often referred to as "Emotional Quotient" (EQ) tend to hold more value towards a more peaceful and harmonious environment. Let's talk about EQ for a moment. EQ is said to be acquired when an individual can climb each level and finally mastering level four: Perceiving Emotions-understanding signs of emotions accurately Reasoning with Emotions- using emotions to make appropriate decisions Understanding Emotions- interpreting the cause of emotions Managing Emotions- regulating emotions and responding appropriately The truth is that many of us never make it to level four. If we fail to display proficiency in each level it is still paramount that we master level four. We have to learn to manage our own emotions in the midst of any conflict or emotional disruption and act appropriately. For too long we have used the behaviors of others for our poor reactions. The absolute truth is no one can cause you to do anything. Even if our anger or disappointment is justified, it is our responsibility to regulate our emotions so we can communicate on a healthy adult level. Individuals with elevated EQs exhibit a heightened awareness of their emotional states. A person with high EQ is not impulsive or hasty with their actions. They think before they do. This translates into steady emotion regulation, or the ability to reduce how intense an emotion feels Those with high emotional intelligence possess the capability to adapt and uplift their own mood and that of others. We are instinctively attracted to individuals possessing a high EQ. Their effortless and smooth interactions make us feel at ease and comfortable. This ease and grace they display are warmly embraced in every aspect of life, be it at home, in social gatherings, or in the professional realm. These are the people that create an environment of peace Unfortunately, we have not strived to possess a high EQ and these people are increasingly hard to find and our environments of peace are threatened with disruption. It's time for us to make qualities that improve human interaction and condition a priority before we lose the previous possession of human interaction.

Many of us learned the lesson of horticulture in 3rd grade when our teacher allowed us to plant our first seed. We were instructed to use our forefinger to create a cylindrical hole in the soil, place the seed within the hole, and cover the seed with soil concealing the seed. Then we strategically moved our potted seeds as close to the window as possible ensuring it would absorb an abundance of sunlight. From that point forward, sometimes daily we watered our mound of dirt waiting with bated breath for results, any results. At that age, we had no understanding of how this small seed was going to push through the concealment, darkness, and weight and metamorphose into a green plant. What we didn't understand is that each seed has a protective outer shell that will not allow growth until it is in the right environment. The seed also has nutrients inside to sustain it during the growth process, but again none of this takes place until the seed is satisfied and the environment is optimal. That is when the seed opens and roots grow down into the soil. So as a quick review, the seed needs optimal conditions to take root, darkness, soil, isolation, water, and sunlight. The seed will never grow if all these things do not align but rest assured it has enough to sustain itself once the shell is broken. So what seeds have you allowed to be planted into your heart, mind, spirit, and belief system? Have others told you that you aren't good enough, smart enough, skinny enough, or pretty enough? The more important question is have you watered that negative seed by agreeing and shedding light on it? Have you planted your own seed by saying I' 'll never be a wife or a business owner or I' 'll never be a homeowner? Remember, the seed has enough nutrients to sustain itself once you have given it the optimal environment to thrive. You have hidden these negative seeds in darkness and isolation and you are allowing it to grow a root system. You can no longer become a collaborator in your depreciation! "Man has grown so weary with the persistent verbal degradation that he no longer can decipher between the source, the external voices, or the voice from within." Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr. Do you remember your teacher's warning? "If you dig that seed up too early, you will disturb the environment and it will never grow. " It's time to uproot some bad seeds and some tangled root systems starting today! And from this day forward only accept good seeds, cultivate them, and allow them to multiply. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

"Anything that is purposed with carrying a load consistently for an extended period of time will eventually derail" Think about it for a moment, the most well-built machinery eventually fails and needs maintenance. The best marriages and relationships experience crucial and disheartening disturbances. The body eventually ages and requires surgery. Your dream job will have days that give you nightmares. Once we have accepted this fact, the next step is to determine what we will do once we have run off the track. Although we know some wreckages are unsalvageable, we must be careful to inspect and be sure. An engineer or pilot can not simply walk away from their mass of wrecked metal without a damage assessment. So let's talk about that. When your situation derails use the following to evaluate if it is worth the maintenance (APPLE) Assess yourself- has the situation harmed you permanently or consistently? Profitability- does the situation add to your happiness, health, and overall life? Power- does the situation make you feel powerful or powerless? Limitless- does the situation present you with limitless life options and dreams or are you extremely limited and inhibited? Edification- do you feel honored, respected, and encouraged? This can be applied to relationships, jobs, friendships, and yes, even workouts! Everything will get off track, it is your job to be cognitive of that and equip yourself with the knowledge, determination, and consistency to steer things back on the right path. If you don’t learn from the last derailment or prepare for the next one, the damage will be just as intense or even worse. "Things that were meant to destroy us but didn't are to be used as tools to equip us for the incoming attack, count yourself as a shameful soldier if you run out of bullets on the 2nd attack because you obviously didn't learn from the first one." #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Good Morning, as we continue on this journey of changing our mindset and thereby changing our lives, I have a simple message. We need to tell ourselves to SHUT UP! I know that doesn’t sound therapeutic or soft like a new puppy, but it’s true! Our inner voice or what we say to ourselves, many times, has already defeated us before our feet ever hit the floor. We act in a form of prestidigitation as we predict what has happened, what has been perceived, what will happen, what we can't do, but most importantly, what they think about us. “So now we have taken our inner detraction and combined it with a perceived detraction of others leaving ourselves frozen in a cacophony of auditory injury” This is why we are so exhausted before we ever leave the house. First, we have convinced ourselves that we are an imposter. Then we have convinced ourselves that they think we are an imposter. We have conjured all of this up without any outward verbal exchange with anyone, this is the result of inner verbal dialogue. We use the same system when looking outwardly at the situation of others. Does any of this sound familiar? “Their relationship is so close because I see them hold hands all the time”, yet we don't realize for that couple, holding hands is habitual and they sleep in separate beds at night. "She looks so lonely without a man in her life", yet we are totally unaware that she is living her best life because she has taken care of others for decades and is simply learning to love herself. “You see, my grass isn't greener than my neighbor's grass, he simply doesn’t have the liberty to stand in my grass and see the diseased bald spots that I fight with daily.” “An outward perspective that lacks internal knowledge of an intricate situation creates a false definition” In other words, you just do not know what is going on outside of your purview. SHUT UP! We complain about how social media poisons the mind of our children while we sit back and poison our own minds on a daily basis. Allow me to let you in on a little secret, the basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in its simplest form is reframing negative thoughts or challenging learned negativity. Yes, that’s correct many of you will be paying to learn this from me or other therapists when you can simply train yourself to do it for free. I am quite aware that some of you will not receive, retain, or practice this because of your transgenerational traits. In other words, it runs in the family, but someone has to break the cycle. It was this very cycle that made the mental aspect of slavery so effective. An entire race of people were convinced that they were second-class citizens because they lacked intelligence and strength. While the entire time they outnumbered their captors, they had become active collaborators in their depreciation and had no will to rebel as they started believing the negative inner voices. I finally had to tell myself to SHUT UP. I had convinced myself that I was always there for others but they never show up for me. Well, my face was on the floor when I realized that sometimes all it takes is an invitation. If I had continued to listen to my negative inner voices I would have never been totally filled with the warmth caused by the presence of those that chose to celebrate me. So please today SIT all the way down and SHUT ALL THE WAY UP! #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

As we continue this journey of changing our mindset, I have to remind you that changing your mindset will involve changing your environment or your crowd. So, I want to pose the question,  who really has your back? In order to evaluate that,  we must first separate associates from true friends.  Associates are fun, they are always available for cocktails,  parties, cigars, and even wrongdoings. On the other hand, a friend is someone who persists in standing by your side when the party is over and the harshness of reality sets in. They are the individuals that will not only help you out of the hole but will dig a tunnel for you. There is a story in the Bible where a paraplegic was unable to get through a crowded house to be touched and healed. As the story progresses, his friends carried the man and his pallet onto the roof, tore the roof open, and lowered the man to the feet of Jesus to be healed. Notice that the friends did not jump in themselves because they were totally enmeshed with the needs of their friend. They displayed true selflessness. These pallet carriers are the bar we should set our friendships by. Are they willing to sacrifice so you can be healed? Are they willing to traverse obstacles to help you reach your destiny? Can they recognize your needs and act on the solutions? If the answer is "no" to any of those questions,  you are surrounded by associates.  An associate will "sympathize " with you,  meaning for a moment they will feel sorry for you.  A true friend is empathic which means they choose to feel your pain, share your pain, and seek to take it away. When you can finally identify true friends, you will surround yourself with them because they become copilots in your journey to reach your goal. A friend will work out and eat healthier with you while an associate will order pizza and wings and offer you some while you struggle. It may be a controversial statement but associates are ushers to your relapse, they will happily get into the mud with you because if you are both dirty you are now on even plains. True friends or pallet carriers carry you toward your goals even by using their own strength where yours have failed. When is the last time you were isolated and the phone rang and the voice on the other side said " I'm just checking on you to make sure you are ok" That is a true friend. The distance didn't offend them, it concerned them. If you can call one person a lifetime friend you are lucky,  if you can count two, you are blessed. So, today I challenge you to evaluate who you are surrounded by. Are they carrying your palette or are they just hitching a ride? #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

I recently had the opportunity to watch an authentic bullfight. A bullfight usually involves a Spanish Fighting Bull (Toro Bravo) weighing between 1,000 and 1,300 pounds. The objective is for the matador to subdue and/or kill the bull to the delight of the cheering crowd. What may not be common knowledge is that the matador is assisted by as many as six assistants, three banderilleros, and two picadors (on horseback). This choreographed band of assassins utilizes swords and razor-sharp knives to weaken the bull through blood loss. The matador continues to entice the bull with a red cape (muleta) and with each passing the bull grows increasingly irritated and exhausted. The exhausted and blood-soaked bull is eventually "mercifully " put out of its misery with a final sword strike between the shoulder blades aimed at severing the spinal cord and producing instant death. There are several ironies and lessons to learn from a bullfight. - The bull is colorblind and is simply angered by the movement of the cape - The bull continues to charge while incurring pain and punishment - The bull charges past the person (several times) who is actually harming him because of his focus on the cape - The bull's aggression is actually the cause of its own demise - Bulls are bred in isolation so the aggression displayed is a (fight or flight) reaction to an unfamiliar and chaotic environment The bull's instinct is for him to display dominance by force which is acceptable behavior in the bovine world. But how many of us have fallen prey to acting out of instinct and aggression rather than reasoning? “When we are in unfamiliar situations or affected by uncomfortable emotions, we lose our ability to make rational decisions.” Our emotions cause us to attempt to bulldoze the situation with brute force. In our emotionally charged state, we continue to make the same horrible decisions while expecting a different outcome. Eventually, we are exhausted, battered, and beaten because of our own instinctual decisions. Many times we pass right by or are unable to recognize the antecedent to our problems because we are focused on the distraction of the waving cape or the jeering crowd around us. If someone has studied our weaknesses, distractibility, and lack of emotional intelligence they can easily make us a participant in their production just like the matador. Most bovine experts will tell you that a bull is serene while alone and becomes aggressive around other cattle. This leads us to another lesson, "we have to be careful that we are not isolated from relationships that make us human as well as humane." “Displays of unbridled aggression and dysregulated emotions usually stem from a place of discomfort and inadequacy.” Finally, we have to stop charging headfirst toward things and people who seek to harm us. If the bull stops charging the show is over. If you want different results, you simply have to show different actions. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Many times, we underestimate this amazing piece of human machinery we possess, which is the human brain. When discussing the prefrontal cortex, we find our executive functioning center. This area can recall certain environmental factors or incidents and therefore assist us in making rational decisions. However, it is also the prefrontal cortex that is most sensitive and susceptible to the detrimental effects of stress exposure. Even quite mild acute uncontrollable stress can cause a rapid and dramatic loss of prefrontal cognitive abilities, and more prolonged stress exposure causes architectural changes in prefrontal abilities. This means that the prefrontal cortex or our sketch pad has created a list of stress-causing activities that cripple our ability to make new decisions and to actualize new reward goals. In other words, when stressed we eventually lose the ability to regulate our external actions. Adversely, positive thinking or maintaining a positive perspective decreases cortisol levels and decreases the chances of uninhibited actions and depression. So yes, the glass is half full! Positive thinking increases creative thought, increases attention span, and improves the ability to analyze and solve problems. Many of us are unable to savor the present moment while instead becoming a prisoner of the "what ifs" The one thing we all can agree on is that we have no control over what happens next. I don't care about odds and probability; you and I have no clue what will happen in the next minute. So changing perspective is key which involves changing the mindset or reshaping your prefrontal cortex. This is done in 4 steps FEET. 1. Focus on what you have instead of what you want. Sometimes you just have to take inventory to show yourself how far you have come. 2. Envy will trigger thoughts of missed goals and move toward depression. Stop looking at the lives of others because you don’t ever know the true story. 3. Environment- Negative people with negative thoughts and negative perspectives will affect you. Surround yourself with people that are happy to have each breath 4. Thankfulness for the small blessings or accomplishments. You can focus on the cost of brakes or focus on the fact that you actually have a car. You can complain about relationships or be grateful for the positives found in human closeness. The extended detriments of stress move beyond the brain and eventually causes dysregulation of many bodily systems. Lack of "ease" becomes "disease ". The results of positive thought has a list of endless benefits. Which will you choose today? Which will you choose daily? #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine #transformationalchangeservices

I heard something simple but profound the other day, it was said that the gym gives you the exact return for what you put into it. In other words you get 100% return for your efforts, nothing more and nothing less. Ultimately we realize that life is often unfair in that regard. Those who give so much of themselves are only asked to give more while receiving a minimal percentage of repayment. The excessive giving of one person not only spoils the receiver but creates an intensified hunger for more. Something we can all depend on is the energy you put into the atmosphere will ultimately be reciprocated. Your negative energy, complaints, selfishness, and negativity will eventually get returned. Your negative energy sets a negative atmosphere and ultimately a negative environment. Think twice next time before you criticize first and compliment last, before you focus on what has not happened instead of the strides that have happened, before you suck the energy out of a situation because your own selfishness has not been satisfied, and before you see the glass half empty instead of half full. Today be determined in releasing positive vibes so you can get a positive return or you just may see a reduction in people who choose to be around you. #bethesunshine

I think we all have to come to the realization that our mind has been conditioned to satiate our desires or do what it thinks we want it to do. Therefore, it will always drive us towards what is pleasurable or away from pain and struggle. Also, it will always place us in places of comfort and familiarity. Most importantly, our mind believes whatever we say about ourselves. If you desire to destroy old habits and ascend to greater accomplishments, you have to traverse unfamiliar territory and unfamiliar crowds while pushing yourself through tough obstacles. The constant desire for comfort or pleasure will ensure you remain stagnate. Remember, "if you think you can't, you won't " #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine